I’m up at 2.30am. I can’t sleep.
This post is going to be absolutely infuriating. I warn you now. But I have to add, it does NOT contain vomit, which I’m guessing will be a huge relief to some, if not all of you.
You see, the Gods have decided to mess with my head. There I was, quite happily trotting along, living my wee life, thinking myself bloody lucky with no general complaints other than the following:
1. Why can’t I have a dog? It’s cruel to leave a dog indoors without company. But I want one!
2. Why do I have to sit in rush hour traffic? The Today Programme is the only thing that stops me going Michael Douglas in “Falling Down” every morning. And only because it’s a reminder that I don’t want to be featured on “The Today programme”
3. Why can’t I rearrange my life so that I can take my kids to school and be there for them when they come home EVERY day?
4. Why the blazes have I still not got my Mini Cooper?
5. I hate the way I get SAD (y’know, that bogus condition that gives miserable bastards an excuse) every winter because I leave for work in the dark, work in a studio with no natural light, and then drive home in the dark.
Yesterday I got headhunted for a job. A career change that could mean that I am able to wipe off all five of those items from my blackboard.
A few other niggles might even get wiped off in the process:
1. Mmmm, I never meant to stay in teaching this long. Will I become one of those people who used to be, rather than still is? In my case, used to work in a certain industry, now teaches teenagers to do it and only dabbles occasionally when she can be arsed or wants to buy a new car or go on holiday.
2. My beloved boss is near retirement age. What will happen when he goes? Will it be awful? Probably.
3. When boss goes, will I be expected to go for his job? I don’t want to. I like lack of meetings/paperwork/bullshit/tussles with management. His job is full of that. But if I don’t do it, will they get a wanker in to do it who makes my life unbearable?
4. Bloody car parking in the centre of town does my flipping nut in. Why do I have to park my car in junkieville to avoid paying out £8 a day in parking charges?
So here I am, sitting in the semi-darkness writing about something I can’t really go into in any detail about. I’m in my jammies, with a headache and a furrowed brow wondering if I can sacrifice the following positive things, in order to wipe the aforementioned nine items off my grumble list:
1. Lovely people I work with.
2. Comfort zone.
I could go to bed now, but I know I’ll be up for a while now wondering when I am going to be able to make a decision.
Because, right now I just can’t.
(Looks out of window)...It's getting light. Argggh!