Thursday, 23 August 2007
Dog Day Afternoon
Sonny is our dog. He is 10 weeks old.
It’s time I did a wee Sonny post as he is a bona-fide member of the Flying Martinis . I promise not to do another one any time soon, as there’s nothing as dull as folk going on about pets. Indulge me, this once.
Here’s 10 Sonny-related facts
1. The three cats hold regular conferences about him on the stair landing. I swear I see them congregating far more regularly than they used to. The conference organiser is Harleyboy, the elder statesman (he's 15, which is old for a cat and like Nelson Mandela he shows no sign of slowing down), Libby is Mary Robinson and Lulu is Condoleeeza Rice. They are proposing sanctions and a trade embargo.
2. I have used more kitchen roll in two weeks than I ever have in my entire life. Toilet training is a tricky business. I am thinking of applying for shares in “Bounty”. That and getting wooden flooring.
3. Dogs prefer cat food to almost anything else. But if they manage to steal and eat any, they will produce twenty turds in half an hour.
4. Puppies are clever little beasts. I taught the boy how to sit in five minutes with some cat munchies and a clicker. Five minutes! Crufts here we come! Get my flat shoes and tartan skirt ready!
5. He is so beautiful – everything about him is beautiful. But I can’t stand to look at his man’s parts. They upset me. I’ll need to come to terms with them, soon. I would like it better if they were pixelated when I looked at them like on censored images.
6. He’s an underwear fetishist. He presented a visiting Sky telly engineer with a bra of mine and I think the bloke thought he was in a "Carry On" movie for a second. Nae luck, mate; I've given up sex-blogging.
7. He has eaten his way through a computer mouse cable, the strap of my green wedges shoes, a set of fairy lights and this weeks’ Grazia. He’s nothing if not full of variety.
8. He has been blessed with a bark that isn’t commensurate with his small frame. Surely some mistake in the dog factory. Somewhere there is a Rottweiler who opens his mouth and a little girlie squeak comes out as Sonny has stolen his bark (and probably his pants)
9. Junior Missy is bloody good with dogs. She is particularly good as spraying carpet cleaner and taking Sonny out for a pee whenever I ask. She's channelling her inner pup and Sonny loves her. She’s the next Barbara Woodhouse, but with better dress sense.
10. The Flying Martinis are definitely dog people.