From about the age of fourteen I kept a A4 lined sheet of paper on which I would record my Top Ten Men. I maintained it for about six years. It is comedy gold.
Some of the entries make me wonder what the blazes I was on.
Like in 1983, Nick Rhodes from Duran Duran set the adolescent Misssy heart racing. But Nick Rhodes is practically a lady-boy, so I don’t get that. This information would add fuel to the flames of the growing theory my token gay mate, Mr McC, has about me being a closet lesbian (in a see-though attempt to get me to give up my husband). His theory is based on me admitting I practised a kiss on my mate G at 12 and that I cried at “Brokeback Mountain”. Me being in love with someone who looked like Toyah would delight him.
I cannot explain this
The next year I seem to come to my senses and promote John Taylor from Duran Duran to the top of the league relegating Nick to 7th place. Much better. Any 15 year old girl not in love with John Taylor at that time would really need to be taken to a doctor to get checked out.
Oooh even now...even now...A constant throughout is Sting, yet these days I feel able to lambast the former object of my affection on Celebrity Litigation (my other, funnier blog) with ease. It’s taken me this long to realise Sting is an arse. Still, drummer Stewart Copeland seems to always feature in the lists too, and I still would.
But just look at him in the seventies, he wasn't an arse yet!I have a fleeting two year dalliance with Dave Gahan from Depeche Mode and then the year after I’m all about the Smiths with Morrissey and Johnny Marr tussling over me in the top two.
This is about the time I started going to gigs and my lust coincides with going to see Depeche Mode and the Smiths live, I reckon. I tell you, that Dave Gahan might have been a smackhead but boy can that man move.
Dave regretting not running off with the sixteen year old Missy when he had the chanceMoving onto the University years I’m all excited about the more dangerous type with Anthony Keidis from the Chilli Peppers, Ian Astbury from the Cult and Peter Murphy from Bauhaus all featuring. But there’s a surprise entry from Robert Smith of The Cure who I must say I would definitely laugh at naked, so I can only assume I wrote that entry drunk.
But naked?However one person who wasn’t on the list was my first love who featured in my dreams much earlier in my life; Donny Osmond. He was on telly last night being interviewed by Piers Morgan. I wonder how many other women of my age tuned in last night?
Sigh!A phenomenon in his day, but imagine trying to market the young Donny to today’s teens?
Faceless music industry type: “OK sell this kid to me”
Donny's Manager: “Well, he’s a teenager, former child star, worked in variety, doesn’t drink, lives with his parents, doesn’t believe in sex before marriage, has a variety show with his kid sister, is a Mormon…Hello, hello are you still there? Hello?”
Mind you I went all funny last night when they played a wee snippet with him leaping about to “Crazy Horses”. Much to the delight of Meeester who took the piss out of me in the same way he probably did his sisters back in the day.
Still it could have been worse, I could have been born five years later like my sister, who has to own up to having posters of Shakin’ Stevens all over her bedroom…
You’re not going to live that down, are you? Well not if I’ve got anything to do with it.
Shaky: Wrong...just plain wrong -----------------------------------------------------
Apparently it's intenational delurking day. So if you've lurked or lurk then you've to post a comment and make yourself known. Even if you just popped in to see what the whole duffle coats on nipples comment was about in the last post. Even if you were looking for a former porn star called Misssy M and are now severely disappointed. Just say hello..anything. Then you can go back to lurking, if you want.
That is all.
25 comments:
Hey, you're in with good company on this! Most women and gay guys i know who grew up during this era, probably have the same type of list!
Let me give you a perspective from a straight male on you're list.
Duran Duran: Well they were the shit back then! Even straight guys like me thought they were alright! "Hungry like a Wolf" are you kidding me!
D Mode: I never understood the sexual attraction by women over these guys. I love their music, but they are all a bit too, well you know, not very manly! (not that there is anything wrong with that)
Sting: Loved The Police! Sting made a lovely remark as to what he'd like to do to Donny's sister when I saw them in SLC. I can see the attraction there, bad boy image and all (Quadrophenia, Dune, Brimstone and Treacle)
Morrissey and The Smiths: I even was once quoted as saying that I would do Morrissey! YIKES! As you know he was the idol of a very confused and messed up Scot! Still love the music though!
Robert Smith: The Cure were great, but RS always looked as if he had been drinking the whole night through and was puffy and ill looking. (Kinda how I used to look on a regular basis)
Donny Osmond: Are you joking? Perhaps my being raised in Utah clouds my ability to judge here.
But you are right about his type of idol now a days.
He'd never get off the ground!
You do seem to have something of an obsession with the lady boy look - not sure if that makes you a closet lesbian or a closet gay man? I demand to see pictures of meester M next. Please? (I also had a bit of a crush on Pete Murphy, Morrissey and Johnnny Marr, by the way, but was most disappointed not to see Feargal Sharkey on your list. He was very lady boy in his long hair phase.)
David Bowie? surprised he's not on your list. his tights made me squirm a bit, much to my girlfriends delight (as she still reminds me from time to time).
not so much a lurker as a first time visitor btw. don't ask how I got here, one link lead to another.
Absolutely, what a fantastic piece of personal history to have unearthed. Embarrassing, maybe, but wonderful.
well, since it is delurker day....i've been reading your posts for weeks now from sunny california, and i must say that they are quite entertaining! thank you for the laughs...
*sweeps off lurking cloak*
i'm only anonymous because not only am i a lurker i'm not a blogger either. i've only recently run into your blog, following a link from troubled diva and i "favourited" you from the first read. so hoi hoi from another sunny spot - sydney
jill
You were rather keen on pop singers, weren't you? I hope you didn't become one of those groupies who offer to perform sex acts on them. Did you ever fancy Huge Grant? Many girls did (and still do).
Found you from Noddy's place and have been "lurking" for the last couple of months.
Really enjoy the tales.
Scot: You've got to forgive me for Donny- I was a wee girl. I didn't even have the guts to put his poster on my wall in case my parents took the piss out of me, so I hid it under my bed. Also, it was either Donny or the Bay City Rollers at that time and even the 7 year old me wasn't fished in by that.
Ms M: I loved the Undertones but the Sharkmeister didn't do it for me physically. Also if you want to check out Meeester, there's a pic of him on the post "Excuse Me, I'm NOT with the band" which is featured on the sidebar to your right next to the Post of the Week logo. I'm almost tempted to run off and exchange it a full make-up pic of Eddie Izzard for a laugh, before you look...
AKA K: Thanks for lurking, thanks for delurking and welcome! I LOVE David Bowie now but I have to say that during the lists period he was in his "Serious Moonlight" image phase that didn't rock my boat, and when he was Ziggy Stardust I was too young to appreciate. Have always loved his music. In fact when I got my new Mini, "Changes" by Bowie was the first track I played on the car stereo.
Reluctant: I haven't even started on the diary for 1984 that came with it...horrifying.
Jess: Welcome! Thanks for showing yourself, much appreciated! I hope now that you've delurked you'll continue to comment!
Jill: Cool an Aussie lurker! I'll try to pack in some extra swear words just for you, as I know how the Aussies love em! Do you know that the Australian Tourist Board's campaign slogan over here in the UK is "Where the bloody hell are you?" I love that! Thanks for reading and for your kind words.
Gorilla: There were actors also- Michael Palin and Harrison Ford feature heavily..and still would I think. Certainly Palin anyway. As for Hugh- dear God, no!
DBA Dude: Thanks for delurking- this delurking thing has been lovely. And since I'm not sure who Noddy is then maybe he'll delurk also in the future. Thanks for reading!
hello, can't remember how I found you, but have commented before, so technically I'm only a part time lurker...
Stephen Fry had a crush on Donny Osmond. I don't know why I find that charming.
My first love was John Travolta. I'm the only person I know to maintain a crush for over twenty years.
Nope! Joseph, I'm also a die-hard John Travolta fan...
Misssy, my other love was Bruce Springsteen. He was just so "rugged"!
I'm sure I've commented before, so I'm also an occasional lurker...
Peach: Just like that Stevie Wonder song....sorry, that was poor.
Joseph and Hanlie: I can only apologise to what I did to Travolta over at Celebrity Litigation (HeHe!)
I think you know my feelings on the Tantric Lute player. I'm glad you have decided he's an arse. But his wife is worse.
And..I watched Donny Osmond last night. It brought back memories of a more simpler (well it seemed so) time.
John Taylor and Nick Rhodes! My God, that takes me back!
i'm another delurker, been enjoying your blog for a few months now. and i have to say, i'm with your sister, i too was a shakin stevens fan back in the day!
The Bay City Rollers! Now that was the thing back then wasn't it! S A T U R D AY Night! Sorry, it couldn't be helped... :)
Ms R: He seemed like a nice enough bloke but that bursting into song thing was ridiculous.
Mama Z: C'mon, Fess up. Who was your favourite?
Gillian: Thanks for delurking. And with such a confession too!
Scot: Did they make it big in the US then? Everybody now; Bye bye baby, baby goodbye!!!!
This blog has gone all wrong....
Am i allowed to state that i fancied the leotard off Kate Bush, plus Wendy James from Transvision Vamp and (treading on thin ice here i think) Sue Lawley from Nationwide (the program, not the band).
My sister loved Donny and he often came around our house for tea, along with Mr Bear, Headless Barbie and Ragamuffin the Donkey.
Wow! Your sister fancied Shakin Stevens. That is so wierd. As for Donny, I hope you were only about ten because he is seriously not sexy, those massive teeth.
As for the rest, Sting at the time, sexy as hell. John Taylor was sexy without the lipgloss.
I was too cool for all that, never had posters of Duran or Spandau Ballet on my wall apart from David Bowie. Fancied him for about ten years as a teen. Don't know what that says about me.
Asym: Did they do posters of Sue Lawley down your way? And of course you know the apocryphal story about Sue Lawley and a certain recording, don't you?
Emma: I just have to out the record straight here. No member of Spandau Ballet was EVER mentioned on that sheet of paper. It is important that everyone knows that.
You know I can't remember who my crushes were. i must have had them, everybody did, but I can't for the life of me remember. Maybe it's one of those 'your mind blocking out the painful memories' things?
Wifie: Shoulda kept a list...
Kudos to you for publishing your list. Wild horses wouldn't drag mine out of me; the least weird of my secret lusts was Leonard Nimoy of Dr Spock fame. Or rather Dr Spock of Leonard Nimoy fame, because although his personality was the big attraction, the ears were a big plus.
You ought to see the posters my kids have in their rooms of Japanese pop stars. Every one of them would make the lady boys of my generation look like the manliest studs.
Hi Mary. Hello and Welcome to the Misssives. Leonard Nimoy- that's a cracker. Shatner I can understand...but Nimoy?
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