You may be wondering how the magic show went.
To recap, I was coerced into throwing a party for Junior Misssy’s 5th birthday and she asked her Dad if he would do a magic show for her 19 (I know, 19!!!!) little friends. And, unlike most Dads who would have reflected on their lack of conjuring ability for a nanosecond and then politely decline, Meeester just said, “Ok then, I’ll do a magic show”.
Such bravado despite having no ability in the discipline.
As the weeks went on, signs that Meeester was in-training would appear. It wasn’t that there were any spangly jumpsuits arriving by mail order, or a pen filled with two Siberian Tigers in the back garden. It was the little things.
For example, I noticed a Word file on the desktop marked “The Secrets of David Blane”. Was the magic show going to consist of Meeester suspended in a perspex box above the street for ten days without any food? Would a gang of cheeky students be hiring as helicopter to fly a solitary burger past the box to taunt him?*
As it turned out, Meeester had a show all worked out. With actual tricks and an actual “Magic Hat”TM
Here he is:
But the show did not go 100% smoothly. Oh, he had his hecklers alright. One minute in, he was dealt the cruelest blow a magician could ever face. A 4 year old boy in the back, with a lazy eyepatch, shouted the devastating words of,
“You’re Not Magic!”
The adults visibly winced. “Ooooofff!” went the collective shock-wave. How could Meeester recover from this? Paul Daniels would have flounced off to his dressing room for less!
He quickly reverted to the surefire way of heckle control: humiliation of the heckler.
He asked the boy to come forward. Goddamn it, he would prove that, yes indeed, he WAS magic! Much as Jesus would have done if someone had complained about the quality of the fish and the freshness of the bread roll at that big picnic he had.
Lazy-Eye Cherry was called forward, but some kids didn’t hear Meeester right and thought they were all being called forward! Bum rush the show, the pitch is being invaded! Meeester's little magic table was in danger of being tipped over. Surely Copperfield never had to work in these conditions?!
This was a tricky moment for the illusionist, indeed. A panic stricken Meeester called behind him for adult bouncers to appear and save the show from the kind of crowd crushing scenes that made Bono uncomfortable at Live Aid.
In seconds, the kids were settled by the mini legion of friends of ours who, luckily, are teachers and used controlling to scenes of kid-induced flashpoint mayhem. The show could continue and Lazy-Eye was converted into believer by the use of some water, three cups and a tense but fleeting moment where he thought he’d get his little eye-patch soaked.
A week on, Meeester went to pick Junior Misssy up from nursery. He was mobbed by fans.
Hang on, must stop, am receiving a call from Caesar's Palace..."Hello, The Great Martini's office, how can I help you? No, we won't support Michael Jackson...but we are up for the Barry Manilow gig..."
* This actually happened to David Blane when he did his
You picked the wrong country if you wanted moral support, Dave.
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