Your Cut Out and Keep Guide to Man Speak

Ladies, learn to understand your man! By learning the hidden meanings behind these few simple phrases you can unlock the mysterious vault of your man's psyche. Please feel free to add your own in the comments box.

1. Uh-Huh: "Uh-huh" is the man-sound equivalent of the snooze button on an alarm clock. In response to piercing annoyances along the lines of “Will you take the dog out?” or “Can you take the kids out of the bath?” the sound "Uh-Huh" will buy men another five minutes until the noise starts again.

Note to men: Uh-huh snooze button can only be pressed once. Pressed a second time it will only cause the piecing annoying request to be repeated more loudly with possible expletives and a frying pan thrown in .

2. Very reasonable, actually: The phrase “Very reasonable, actually” is one of a collection of phrases belonging to the monetary group. It is used to fob a partner off after a large amount of money has been spent on an expensive yet frivolous gadget or item. Other examples of this include the phrases: “Quite cheap”, “less than you would expect”, “A giveaway” and “an opportunity of a Lifetime”.

Items that are "very reasonable actually" can usually be bought on Ebay, late at night after 4 glasses of wine.

3. Five minutes: "Five minutes" is the time it takes for anything to happen that won’t be soon. "Five minutes" can be anything from 1 hour to never. Often used in the phrase, “I’ll be home in five minutes” or “I’ll tidy up in five minutes” or "It'll be done in five minutes".

4. “Where’s my...(+ noun)?”: The phrase “where’s my...(+ noun)?” is a lifelong man phrase that has been oft recorded as a male infant's first sentence. In the first 16 years of life it is directed at a man’s mother, but then converts into being directed at a man’s wife or partner. It is used in lieu of ever actually looking for anything one’s self and can be an important time saver. Variations include the more pointed “Where did you put my...(+ noun)?” and the more casual"Have you seen my...(+noun)?".

Note: the phrase “Where’s my.. ...(+ noun)?” is often bellowed from an adjacent room to the recipient.

The +noun element of the phrase rarely involves anything that the woman herself will use.

5. “Hardly”: A staple of the man vocabulary, “hardly” is key component of any good male sentence. Its main use is to mask copiousness. Examples include, “I hardly drank anything”, “I hardly touched it” and “I hardly noticed/know her”.

Note also the phrase “hardly anything” which can be used in place of any of the phrases in Phrase 2.

6. “Sorry”: The word every female dreads hearing. In the male vocabulary “sorry” is rarely used as an apology. Sorry is a portent of doom which can involve indiscretions with money, women, employment and gloss paint which there can be no hiding from.

Note: The word "sorry" used on its own and shouted can also mean the opposite of its dictionary meaning.

7. “OK” the word “OK” in short means one thing: “I’m not going there” or “I’m not touching THAT one”. It is often used when a man doesn’t want to commit to any one polemic view for fear of his life. Here are some uses.

Woman: “What do you think of Dave’s new girlfriend?

Man: “She’s OK”

or

Woman: "How did you and my dad get on, then?"

Man: "OK"

or

Woman: “What do you think of me in this bikini? Do you think I can still get away with it?”

Man: “It’s OK”

This post was written in response to the very funny post written by The Ben Lomond Free Press's Big Rab, 9 Words Women Use.


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