It occurs recently that I rather like cross dressing.
After last week’s hen night/day/extravaganza where all participants in the day trip to a shooting range were given stick-on moustaches, mine actually looked like it belonged on my top lip. In minutes my demeanour changed, and I started to walk like a man, talk like a man, my son.
It occurred to me: I’m a good boy, I am.
I suppose what I’m doing here is my annual Halloween post, because when I look back I’ve often opted to be a bloke. One year I’m Blackadder, the next I’m Zombie Rod Hull (complete with dead Emu), the next I’m Prince in his Purple Rain period. This year, at the annual Halloween Party of Legend, I’m dressing as a bloke but I won’t divulge as many of my co-halloweenies read the Misssives and these things are always best revealed on the night.
But would I have liked to be a bloke? Hmmm...I think not. Here are my reasons:
1. Recent readers will have read that my Mum wanted to call me Kenny. No rock stars are called Kenny. And before someone phones in, you can’t count Kenny Loggins. He only did Footloose and that was ages ago.
2. I need makeup. And although Robert Smith from the Cure wears makeup, being a Goth isn’t workable these days. When was the last time you saw a Goth being Prime Minister? Pitt the Younger, and who remembers him?
3. I couldn’t cope in a fight. Blokes get involved in fights, even if they don’t want to. It just happens. I’m a big Jessie and I don’t see that changing with a switch of tackle. I'd be squealing like Ned Flanders if anyone squared up to me.
4. I like a frock and high heels of an occasion. Now I know that a lot of blokes do, but who wants to be a Tory MP? I always feel that men never really get a chance to really dress up. Still, being a Scot there’s always the kilt. I’d probably wear a kilt all the time, but with Goth makeup. No....no...this still isn’t working. I’m freaking myself out, now.
5. The male identity of David Bowie is already taken. What would be the point?
6. I wouldn’t like to be married to a girl. Girls are pains in the hoop. Number 3 in this list is usually a result of girls.
7. I don’t like putting the bins out or sorting the recycling.
So I’ll maybe not save up for the op and get my eye laser treatment instead of an expensive and painful trip to GirlstoBoys R Us.
And there’s always Halloween to indulge the inner geezer.
********
By the way, thanks for voting for me in the The Blogger’s Choice Awards. It ended today. I made a wee bit of a dent. The Misssives finished in 18th place for the Best Blog About Stuff category, which is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick and I believe I’m the only blog from the UK to make it that high, but don’t quote me. I know for sure I'm the No1. Transvestite blogger. Special thanks to those who commented- some of them words made me weep a bit. And if you’re sitting there going, “Aw man, I didn’t vote, I feel like such an utter git!,” then you can vote for me in the 2009 awards which start today. And those of you who voted for me originally can vote again. Chin, chin!
By the way, thanks for voting for me in the The Blogger’s Choice Awards. It ended today. I made a wee bit of a dent. The Misssives finished in 18th place for the Best Blog About Stuff category, which is better than a poke in the eye with a sharp stick and I believe I’m the only blog from the UK to make it that high, but don’t quote me. I know for sure I'm the No1. Transvestite blogger. Special thanks to those who commented- some of them words made me weep a bit. And if you’re sitting there going, “Aw man, I didn’t vote, I feel like such an utter git!,” then you can vote for me in the 2009 awards which start today. And those of you who voted for me originally can vote again. Chin, chin!
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27 comments:
definitely girls are best. and re the mona lisa pic...made me think of a quote i read the other day by lawrence durrel..he said of mona lisa..that she had a look of woman who had just dined off her husband...hmmmmm!? x janelle
Janelle: Of course there are many who believe that Mona was really a self-portrait of da Vinci himself. Apparently he liked a bit of the cross-dressing himself. Saucy old thing!
Misssy - so glad the hens didn't get the better of you, was starting to worry. Did you know (skip this bit if you don't want art history 101) - Duchamp put the 'tache on the Mona Lisa and scrawled LHOOQ underneath (which if you are French and read the initials means 'She has a hot arse'). I saw the Director of MOMA lecture in Cambs while a student - v serious business but his publicity shot looked uncannily like dear Mona Lisa. Couldn't resist the student mag opportunity - mocked up his photo *as* the Mona Lisa with 'Il HOOQ' underneath. Rather funny in a geeky student way ... until my tutor faxed it to him. Well, he did have a hot arse. Good luck with the polls!
No the hens didn't finish me off but I have been off the blog radar for the last wee while- been so busy with a project and work and stuff, just haven't had the energy. That Marcel Duchamp was a wag, eh?
Bugger that for a game of soldiers!
There's NO WAY that I could be a chick.
All that preening and make up and clothes and rules for clothes and handbags and pens and 'nice things' and on and on and on, repeat until the end of time.
It's so much easier being a bloke and ambling through life just looking around an being happy, spending money on cars and trainers, waiting for the mid-life crisis to arrive.
We've got it SOOOOOOOOOOOO easy!
What about that whole testicle thing then, eh? Who'd want to have those squirmy little sacs just hanging there waiting for the next swift kick?
Well, if you like cross-dressing have I got a post for you brewing right now! I can't go into too much detail, but let's just say that it involves a picture of an ex dressed in some compromising clothing. And, no, I'm quite sure he wasn't dressed up for Halloween.
Thanks for the sweet comment on my blog. What would I do without my Misssy M?
Zombie Rod Hull with dead emu? Really? You are a genius girl. Are there photos?????
Ah, but you could wee standing up and throw away all scratchy sanitary protection products. And arm wrestling would be more fun, cos you could beat people all the time.
Bet you didn't think of that eh lol?
Hello Missy, I found you through Kate and Mr Bananas . . . I very much like being a girl but how can I get someone to do no.7 for me?
Sx
Re #4
I love wearing my kilt. I have a couple of them and never feel anything other than *fabulous in it.
*It helps if you do jazz-hands as you say "fabulous".
i wouldnt' like to be bloke because i would not like to pee standing up. nor would i want to change punctures. i would rather plead feeble femininty and sit in the shade. and use the opportunity to pee. and if there were no trees about to sit under/pee behind, it'd be the only time i might like to be a bloke. brielfy. squatting behind wheel of car that is being changed is possibly a little kamikaze i agree.
I dressed as a girl for the Halloween party at the dance instructors class once. My mates had said we'd all do it as a gimmick and not tell anyone. So I got one of missthekid's sexier dresses, fishnets, padded out a bra, did my makeup. I had long hair at the time anyhow so I put it up in bunches and headed off to the dance class, driving from Kilwinning to Glasgow caught a few looks from folks in other motors, I still had my goatee at the time too y'see.
Got there and exactly zero of my mates had dressed up. Buggers.
So I spent the evening taking the female role in dances, which is extremely difficult when you're used to being the lead/man, and fighting off women who for some reason felt the need to lift my dress at every opportunity.
Didn't give me a taste for it though, especially the fishnet hole - toe combination.
I do enjoy wearing a kilt but that's hardly effeminate, it's about as smart as you can get on a man I reckon.
btk
Inchy: It is a hassle I suppose, but I kind of like it. In fact, one of my pet hates is women who don't look after themselves. I'm forever daydreaming about doing makeovers on women who need taken in hand. I'd love Gok Wan's job.
XUP: That's another reason, yeah. Men's bit do seem a bit of an annoyance.
Slutty: Oh that's excellent- I look forward to it.
Loth: I do have some but not digitally. I may put them up...will have to see. It was a little bit sick- he's only died about a few months and if you remember he had died after falling off a roof fixing his TV aerial. I had an aerail cable and aerial wrapped round my leg. I'm going to hell.
Hulla: Getting rid of periods would be excellent, but having babies is quite cool...if a little nippy.
Scarlett: Hello and Welcome to the Misssives. Hmmm, that's a tricky oe. If I had the definitive answer I'd make a fortune!
Inchy: And you have to say "fabulous" like Samantha from Sex and the City.
Reluctant: Peeing standing up is actually a pro for me- how convenient! And you can write your name in snow.
BTK: I bet you made a bonny lassie though!
well, I would...
;oP
Those are rubbish reasons for not being a boy:
1. Being called Gordon hardly stopped Sting from being a global popstar. So, Kenny, if you're name is rubbish, just change it. That's rock n roll.
2. Boys just redefine their makeup needs (ie, lower them). Unless you want to go the Braveheart route.
3. Just leave Scotland. It's only Scotterish men who feel compelled to square up.
4. Frock & heels. Have you never heard of Am-Dram? TVs? And as you admit yourself, Scotsmen!
5. David Bowie lookie-likeies are always in demand.
6. You could be gay - have your blokey cake and eat it, so to speak.
7. You're scrapping the bottom of the bin with excuse 7.
Plus, if you REALLY didn't want to be man, surely you ought to mention the full case for the prosecution: at their worst, they can be such boorish idiots!
Just to clarify, Gordon is a damn fine name. Proud, upstanding, and it means 'great hill' on ancient Scots.
BTK: Meeester looks like a washed out old dock dwelling lady of the night with makeup on. Some men can't pass it off.
Bobo: Re: "3. Just leave Scotland. It's only Scotterish men who feel compelled to square up." You've been out of England too long!
Inchy: Not as cool as Kenny though. My mum has recently taken issue with my Kenneth/Ken/Kenny claims. She says I would never have been a Kenny- my dad would never have allowed it (his middle name is Kenneth). She is revising my alternative life as a result of reading the blog. But I distinctly remember her telling me I might have been a Kenneth and I'm sticking to it.
Oops ! I appear to have morphed into Meeeester and actually done a sex change. The above comment is actually Misssy.
Wow! That was nearly like "Maris" appearing on Frasier or "Her Indoors" appearing in Minder, for a second there!
I'm reminded on a daily basis all the reasons that I'm glad I'm not a woman. A couple that were on your list feature on mine as well.
As for No. 1, what about Kenny Rogers? Not rock enough? He's a silver fox...
The Tory MP line is a cracker.
Free man: Hello and welcome to the Misssives. I forgot about Kenny Rogers. What Condition my Condition is in is a very cool song. As is Ruby Don't take your Love to town. Might have to re-evaluate Kenny.
Could have been worse- how many Normans do you know that rock out?
Alex: I can't think of any..is Noddy Holder a Norman?
Just wanted to tell you that I did try to vote for you, but didn't get and email back from the site, so couldn't- will try again.
Julie xx
julie: Cheers anyway. So many folk have said similar things- a guy from work said though that even though he hadn't received his email he logged in then pressed the Forgot your password link thing- stuck in his email address and it came straight through. Try that. But I wonder how many votes get lost because of their stupid website?
As a moustache wearing man for the last 12 years I am delighted to read of the moustache being championed!
Eric
eric: Ohh what kind of tasche do you have? Is it a Zapata- that's my favourite kind.
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