Maggie Simpson was a January baby, no doubt about it.
January babies of the Northern Hemisphere are always cold. Particularly cosseted first children like me born in January, who are wrapped like little sausage rolls from the second they push their little nose out past the perineum straight into layers of wool and towelling and anorakage. For the first six months of their lives they are bound Sarchophagus-like in blankets and quilting, topped off with woolly bonnets and then squeezed into a contraption that is a hybrid coat and sleeping bag. Their skin doesn’t see the sun or feel the air til July, a good seven months after having the vernix washed off it.
When I heard that Michael Jackson had nick named his kid Blanket, I thought, “That should have been my name...”
So I’m cold. Yes, yes, we all are, but I am particularly cold because I’m a January baby and no amount of clothing is ever enough to warm me up. I’ve been away recently to Disneyland and Paris where it was colder than the chest freezer of Satan in his Hades home, and this is what I wore from skin outwards:
- A bra (woot woo)
- A thermal strappy vest
- A long sleeved thermal vest
- A long-sleeved t-shirt
- A short sleeved t-shirt ( I only put it on cos it was there)
- A cashmere jumper
- Another cashmere jumper
- Woolly tights (Regulation issue for all Scottish women past October)
- Jeans
- Four cheese baguettes for sneaking into Disneyland strapped to my body (they don’t let you bring food in but their’s is shit and costs £50 per item and you have to speak French to get it from them)
- A leather jacket
- A padded coat
- Hat
- Gloves
- Scarf (wound around torso for warmth)
- Another scarf (for decorative purposes)
Someone actually thought I was one of the Disney characters I was that padded. I let them take my photo and said nothing.
So I’m a cold January baby born 7th January. I won’t be blogging tomorrow as the mid-life
crisis officially begins and apparently that’s quite time consuming.....
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20 comments:
Happy birthday young lady and welcome to the roaring forties club! See I'm still fraternising with the black underworld of criminally tainted weeble wobbles.
Many Happy Returns
More than one vest?
That's GENIUS
Happy Birthday, and I'm a january baby and I like it cold, this could have something to do wi the few extra layers of blubber I've accumulated ye ken.
happy birthday Misssy! I had a premature mid-life crisis a couple of years ago, nightclubs etc wild nights but soon realized I couldn't really hack it. Have fun with it though!
Well, happy freakin' birthday to you! I hope you asked for a spacesuit for Christmas because they can withstand temperatures on the moon which are really, really cold having no sun and all. I'm a February baby and I'm almost never cold. How do you explain that?
"Anorakage": what a great word. I will be shamelessly stealing that one. And I would like to make it clear that woolly tights are in fact perfectly acceptable for Scottish women all year round. Happy Birthday to the Shivering Queen of Scottish Blogdom
Have a good one Misssy x
Happy Birthday hon....I hope you had a fab day!!
Looking forward to reading all about your mid-life crisis :-)
C x
Bloody hell. Did you actually fit in any of the rides? I'm pretty well padded already, if I whacked on another six layers I'd be in danger of getting stuck in the seat on Space Mountain, assuming I could squeeze in there in the first place.
Noddy and BTK: Thanks!
Coffee Lady: "Double vesting" it's called.
Random: I am quite scrawny, I suppose.
Emma: Thye do sound good fun. I'm off to the hairdressers- I may start with purple highlights.
XUP: A space suit would have been ideal-especially on Space Mountain.
Loth: Have th word on me- love my new title: may get a tattoo of it on my butt, inkeeping with Emma's advice.
Lattes and Carol: Cheers!
Abigail: Thse rides were built with obese Americans in mind- plenty of room for at least one other anorak.
My sister has just got back from a stint working there, so you may have seen her in one of the parades/shows
I'm a January baby too, but I'm not as nesh as my Mum
Happy Birthday Misssy M. It isn't so bad, is it?
How's the head today?
Happy Birthday Misssy, you cold blooded beast, you!
Lola: If she's a Brit then she'll have been the one smiling in amongst the grumpy indifferent French!
Sarah: the build up was worse than the actual event- I had a great day (and have a 1969 party to look forward to on Sat)
Noddy: Fine- was a school night- so main celebrations on Saturday.
Alex: Cheers Alex!
A sure sign that of entering middle age when you postpone the drinking till the weekend!
I was born in February and feel your pain. I am constantly cold, and it is rubbish.
Hope you had a good birthday!
Happy Birthday wot woz. I don't know if this theory works down under. I was born in Janusry, due mid Feb. I don't like hot, hot weather. Exist comfortably at about 20 to 22c. 27+ up at the parents over xmas was way too much for me.
Middle Aged - no way. I'm coming up to 44 years young. The 40's mwean you can do what/think what you bloody well want and not give a stuff. Enjoy.
Confess i'm wallowing in folk's neighbour's daugther refusing to believe I was over 35.
Have a great '09, anyway, MisssyM - you're amazing
Noddy: My problem is that no matter how much I seem to drink, I always wake up thirsty the next day. What's that about?
Cat: I believe that I am a displaced person- I should have been born somewhere else. But how can I be repatriated to Brazil, when I don't come from there in this dimension, anyway?
Mickle: Your kind words make me blush coquettishly. My sister had an absolute beezer the other week when an older lady inh tesco asked her for ID when she was buying wine. My sister is 34. I would have taken out a newspaper ad.
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