I am an i-Phone widow. Meeester took delivery of his i-Phone yesterday and I think that’s it for me. He said less than three words to me last night as he footered with it and didn’t even say goodbye to me this morning before leaving for work. Maybe because he’s got an app for that and just forgot to activate it, assuming that it had already whispered a computer generated “Cheerio. Do you need me to get anything on my way home?” to me as he walked past me as I pretended to be just about to get up. “Need to remember to pay attention to your wife? We’ve got an app for that!”
Of course I could always try and salvage our relationship and join his club by getting one of my own like one of those wives who take up golf because they realise if they don’t they’ll only ever see their husband when he’s asleep beside them or at family weddings and funerals. But I can’t think of anything else that would be more of a waste of money (apart from buying a set of golf clubs). Not because the i-Phone isn’t amazing- adverts every four minutes tell me that this isn’t the case. No it would be a waste of money because I don’t even like having a mobile phone. I barely like having a home telephone.
I am what they call a late adopter. I am the person who people get stuff for because I need to be forced into updating my life. I am convinced I wouldn’t even have a mobile phone at all if it weren’t for the fact that ten years ago I got given a Nokia as a leaving present from the work that I refused to take a company mobile phone from in the first place because “it means you’ll call me when I’m not at work and make me do work things”. I can’t think why I never moved up in that company, for the life of me.
I don’t think I’ve ever got over that contempt for people in the late eighties who carried mobile phones the size of a large doner kebab about and shouted into them, like they were yoghurt cartons attached to their mates distant yoghurt carton with a piece of string. A part of me still feels like a right dick if I answer my mobile phone in a public place. I cringe as I hear myself say “I’m on a bus!” People stopped declaring where they were a good decade ago, for goodness sakes.
I forget to take my phone with me, I forget to charge it, I forget to switch it back off silent mode for a good week after I’ve been to the cinema with it, I have lost it more times that I’ve probably ever used it to make an actual call. I am not alone in this. Phone my mother on hers and she will answer startled like the ringing has slapped across the face, shrieking “Hello????” at a pitch only spaniels can hear. I don’t think I’ve ever called my dad on his and he’s actually ever answered. Pretty much everyone I am in contact with has said this phrase to me “Didn’t you get the message I left for you on your phone?” To which the universal answer is a sheepish “No....” and a silent thought to myself of “My phone has an answering service, who knew?”
No I will just have to watch my husband silently from the sidelines and occasionally show interest as he shows me a new app for an action he never needed to perform in real life before the machine arrived. Yes, you heard right I just called it a machine.
I will try to link it to my own life to show I’m not completely out of touch, “Can you blog from that?” I’ll say, to which the universal answer will be “Blogging is so 2007. We’re all tweeting now.”
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15 comments:
I'm a bit more into new technology however still find it difficult to understand iPhone app-steria. Any mobile phone with Internet access would do most of those things for you and if it didn't, it means your iPhone apps are just useless and created for people who have too much time on their hands :)
I also cannot understand how somebody could cease reading paper books all together and used Kindle all the time (as one of my techy friends). Does Kindle smell of print? No? There you have it.
Yet to see anyone with an i-Pad though- didn't see the point in that at all. An i-Phone that's too big for your pocket? How bored do you have to be to buy one of those?
I fixed the phone problem. I never got one. Don't even know how the things work. Who the hell wants to be available 24/7? Not me.
I suppose if we're still blogging, we're all late adapters/adopters. I'm not tweeting. I refuse.
I'm just like you with the phone. I hate it. I hate having it. I hate the gentle scoldings I get for not being available because I leave my phone at home when I'm out walking the dog. For Christ sake, why would I want to talk on the phone while I'm trying to control the beast?
And, like you, I became a iPhone widow. Has your Meeeeester gotten past the stage where he is gently polishing the shiny surface? If you're lucky and your Meeester likes Star Wars, then he might include you in his love affair with the phone by pretending to chop of your head with the light saber app.
I too thought about joining the club. (Are we twins?). In the end though, I opted to spend my money on a different Apple product - a MacBook. Now while My Man is playing with his light sabre, I'm polishing the beautiful screen of my my beautiful new laptop.
I curse these darn tracking devices!
I'm a Luddite when it comes to technology. I've had the same MP3 player, a Creative Zen which I bought about five years ago. My iPod buying friend has had four in this time partly cos they broke and partly cos by pressing a button the machine (yes I call it a machine too) tells you (in a voice coming through the earphones for Chrissake)what track you're listening to! I vote this the most annoying and useless feature of any piece of technology ever.
On phones my missus recently got a Samsung thing which is an iPhone "meetoo" It's put her in a bad mood for about six weeks because it has a mind of its own along the lines of a misbehaving supermarket trolly.
I remember when I had my first mobile a friend phoned when we were out with my mother. At the end of the call she enquired who it was. I told her and then got the reply "How did he know you were here?"
I just want a nice simple phone that I can use to....wait for it....make phone calls with! I don't want it to take photo's, play music or make me a cup of tea...I just want to make calls!!
I'm feeling a bit 'grumpy old woman today'
C x
Yeah my cell phone is always out of power and the only reason I got it 2 years ago was because a friend bought it for me for reasons best known to herself. I would happily go back to the quill pen, manual typewriters and the days when you could have 2 hour boozy lunches rather than being tied to your iphone/computer 24/7 checking texts and stupid emails!
Calling the 18th century (at least that's what it feels like reading these comments) You there, yes you that doesn't have a phone, or you that doesn't charge it, or you that leaves it on silent for a week! Yes you lot, I'm assuming you're quite happy for your kids to outsmart you on everything you do from the age of 12 upwards. As those of you who are too scared to adapt to this brave new world will be left behind, and yes, your kids will put you in a home all the quicker when you continue to answer your landline in the questioning fashion of "[insert home town] 476?"
And BigRab, you're right on the money with your mp3 player. iPods are crap, there many that are so much better.
iPhone shmyphone, Android's the future man! Everybody knows that!
Kasia: I have to say i was anti Kindle until i was reading Stephen King's new book which weighed as much as a two year old kid and I no room for it in my bag. I began to think Kindle might just be for me- but I do love buying books and then lending them out.
Alex X: yeah did anyone buy them?
Jazz: I can't believe your people have let you get away with that! People can't cope with someone who doesn't even own a phone- surely they've been trying to foist one on you.
Ellie: See, like you, I do like computers. I love the internet, i love blogging and I say the phrase "google it!" about 10 times a day. But I hate to be bothered when I'm doing something else by the bloody phone.
Rab: I too am a marketer's nightmare. And I hate waste. Why upgrade a perfectly good phone that works for a new one every year. It just seems wrong. But then again, most men only have two pairs of shoes and most women have easily twice that, so I suppose it's just what you are into.
Carol: Hurray for grumpy old women!
Emma: One of the things I really can't stand about phones is how rude they make people. If I'm having a conversation with someone and they answer their mobile ohone I always feel slighted. Even more so if I'm out with folk and they are all sitting about texting folk who aren't there. But maybe my conversation needs to be a bit more scintillating?
Jaggy: Whippersnapper!
I saw a new Motorola Milestone today and felt a little lurch of lust. I lost my child to the iPhone some time ago. If I don't get a similar device soon I will never be able to contact her again.
Oh but I sooooo want one! I just do.
I've recently become a Blackberry widow - which is almost as bad, I can sympathise. Although secretly I really want one too!
Jade
Catch me getting iPhone fever - not bloomin' likely! No way, José!
Not me.
I'm with Jaggy - Android is the only way to go :-D
Mind you, I don't think that's the reason I live alone ...
I am working my way through and laughing out loud, but especially at this one. I am a mix of you both - I hate technology, but I do have an iPhone. It's an awesome toddler taming device... who knew?!
I couldn't live without mine! Get one and join us.
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