May I be struck by lightning...
but, man, I just could not resist this
There are a few items of clothing that I cannot bear. But don’t get me wrong, other than popsocks I’m not ruling out any female clothing for myself. I’m talking about men’s clothing. I’m particularly talking about men’s clothing that I would object to my husband wearing. And I’m not backwards in coming forwards with (constructive ) criticism on that front. You may think I’m a controlling evil witch, but I prefer to think of myself as an essential force field between him and bad taste.
I’ve written about Meeester and his sartorial mistakes before. But wait-hold your horses- don’t head off to that post yet. The ultimate has happened. Something that knocks all previous horrors literally into a cocked hat- a hat of cocks if you will. Meeester has bought himself a baseball cap.
I loathe baseball caps. Loathe them. In fact I pretty much loathe any sportswear that is worn as ...well clothing that is for sport, but that people are just wearing whilst NOT doing sport. Don’t even get me started on football strips. The very fact that they make football strips big enough for beer bellies to fit into should tell us all something.
And yes I realise that a lot of you reading are thinking, “But I have a football strip that I wear whilst on holiday where I intend to do no sport more taxing than going down a water flume...what’s wrong with that?” But well, there it is something wrong with that. I loathe sports gear worn off the pitch/field/court. You're all going to have to suck that up, I'm afraid. I've never claimed to be especially tolerant.
So back to baseball caps. Meeester bought one. In fact he bought one a good few months ago when we were having a lot of rain. He knows my feelings on the so called “hats”, so he went on the offensive immediately.
“Before you even start, I bought this because when I go out with the dog I am sick of my face getting soaked. I saw this for a couple of quid and I thought- that’ll do for me out in this weather. I need something to stop the water pouring down my face. And I warn you, if you put this in the bin behind my back....well, I will not be happy. And...." he wagged his finger in a threatening manner "I will buy another one!”
A threat indeed.
“You promise to wear it only when you are out with the dog?”
“Yes”
“And only if I’m not with you.”
(Sigh) “For goodness sakes. Yes!”
I move on before he tried to get me to agree to him wearing jogging bottoms- I don’t even ask to inspect the hat. I do not recognise it in the way certain Arab states do not recognise Israel.
But before long I spot it whilst alone in the house. It's as if the bastard were calling my name- taunting me from the porch shelves where it lay between wellies and dog leads. Curiosity wins me over, and I approach the offending article and pick it up. It is then that I spot a design on its frontage that upon closer inspection appears to be seven filthy shades of wrongness. I pray to god that Meeester has bought it quickly, snapping up a so-called bargain, and not really taken in what the design actually is. “Please God, let him not have meant this!”
You might have to squint, but have a look. And tell me what this design actually says:
Yes, my friends, it says “Golddigga”.
And that m’lud concludes the case for the prosecution.
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31 comments:
Oh no...BIN IT! Men never remember conversations like that after a couple of months ...good luck
Lisa- I have tried- it keeps on coming back- like Jason in Friday the Thirteenth.
Ohh dear - its very glam with that gold writing too!
The tracksuit pants (Oz ref)or jogger bottoms as you call it - must never leave the house with them on. (unless you are pregnant and its the only thing comfortable).
that hat is particularly offensive as it seems to both a hideous piece of headgear as well as a fashion statement. Difficult one to get rid of though.....I'd favor 'accidentally' chucking it in the bin beneath some really smelly rotten fruit and blaming the kids if he finds out
I find washing things as hot as the machine will go usually does the trick.
And I'm with you on the sports gear worn for anything but sport, man-made when there is cotton and the wearing of large logos when you aren't sponsored to do so.
That said we are at a sartorial impasse where the Panther, trying to get it right, wears trackies with a 'smart-casual' collared shirt.
I'm on a mission for a new hat for meeester. Birthday present solved.. Did you not have a Blue Jays cap from Canada?
I'm so with you on the hatred of sportwear when not being used for sports and I can't stand baseball caps!! That specimen is truely hideous...perhaps you could play the song loudly everytime he reaches for the hat? Might work as a deterent and then you can bin the hideous thing!
C x
Thankfully my lovely husband hates wearing baseball caps and for that I'm eternally grateful (me, smug?)
I LIke Ellen's idea of the hot wash.
that was a fair trial, all we need now it the punishment. because a crime like that, whether intentional or not, can not go unpunished.
Dear lord, it's a wonder you let him out alone at all.
I loathe baseball caps too. But more than the baseball cap itself, I loathe people who come to the table wearing them. It's bad enough in public, but when my nephew came to the dinner table (his dinner table btw) wearing one, I flipped the damn thing right off his head.
Disydoit: Yes,the gold motif would be bad enough- even if it didn't actually say something. it looks like something an elderly lady might wear to go to Vegas.
Emma; I think it''s going to take more than that to kill it. Why does my dog destroy things I like and ignore things I want destroyed. I'll maybe coat it in meat paste and leave it in his bed. Aye, the dog's bed, not Meeester's!
Ellen: Oh I am also with you on the logos front as well. if GAP want me to have their name emblazoned across my chest they can contact my agent (Frazzlegran)
Frazzlegran: Mum, we've got rid of stuff of his before, we can do it again. remember the "petrol pump" jacket?
Carol: Clearly you have never met my husband. If you had you would know that playing Golddigga would only encourage him.
Trish: You are lucky.
Heather: Something tells me that telling the word about the hat and having hoards of woman disgusted at him and the item may be punishment enough. That and the destruction of said item.
Haphazard: So many of my students wear the bloody things.Unfortunately some human rights convention or other says I can't do what you did. Hard to resist though.
Maybe your husband has a side job as a Kanye West wannabe?
See now I am really mean, so I would let him wear said hat down the pub where all his mates would see his 'golddigga' logo and rip the piss out of him forever more... but you seem like a nice person. Burn it!
he should get a cowboy hat! They're brilliant in all weathers. He *is* a rockstar after all...
oh and yeah, I used to be a big fan of baseball caps or "skip hats" as they were known, I mean, who here plays baseball? The skips on UK hats are way smaller too, generally.
Even I can see where he's gone wrong with this purchase...
Missy hun you know what you need to do. You've got matches right? x
you are right on all accounts!
The only people who ever look acceptable in baseball caps are baseball players and that's only because someone swinging a baseball bat at 90mph can pretty much do whatever the hell they like in my book.
I own a flat cloth cap - kind of an old git type of thing. But I only wear it on rainy days. Honest.
Bored: His B.Mate yesterday shut his eyes in disgust at the mere mention of the hat yesterday.
BTK: Genuinely laughed out loud at "Even I can see where he's gone wrong with this purchase..." Normally you are on Meeester's side. I see this as a VICTORY!
Vegemite: I bet the bastard won't burn.
Notes: I know, I know...sometimes it is hard being right ALL the time though. You know?
Steve: Meeester M also has one of those, so why won't he use it- lack of bling?
Baseball hats are so common around here I don't even blink when I see one. But jogging bottoms! I am so with you on that.
Do you have that awful fashion trend (read laziness) over there where people are going out in their pajama pants. Seriously, if you're too lazy to change out of your pajama pants how are you making the money to go shopping?
Readily: When my sister was pregnant she went to London on a plane in her jammie bottoms. I've always admired that!
You could let the dog poop on it (accidentally of course). That might take care of the problem once and for all...
Cool whip: The dog wouldn't be seen dead pooping in it- it's THAT hideous!
Ha ha ha -- that's a girl's hat. Does he know he's wearing a girl's hat? I would get a divorce if I were you. I wouldn't date a man who wears baseball caps and I certainly wouldn't marry one. And if he started wearing one after we were married, that would be a deal breaker. So, off you go to the lawyer's.
XUP: I'm going to make him read your comment!
Yeah, baseball caps. I went through a phase. It was just wrong as I have a kind of round face. I looked like Jimmy Clitheroe (or maybe Jimmy Crankie for younger readers)
Oh I'm right with you on the manufacturers logos too (except a wee discreet one to let folk know that you can afford the brand (albeit from the British Heart Foundation.
My bete noire however is tattoos. At least you can bin a bunnet when you realise it's crap!
Save your marriage. Bin it.
Even CONTEMPLATING buying a baseball is a divorceable offence. In fact, no, more than that ... Not finding them as utterly abhorrent as we do is divorceable!
Rab: I fee the same about tattoos. I am obviously an old fashioned gal and I am normally not this sexist but I can't help it- I particularly don't like them on the ladies. Sorry everyone.
Melissa: That's one more for the count. Thanks for your vote!
Croila:So he's double divorced. you think it's so bad that I'd get everything??
I equally dislike baseball caps and sportswear on beer bellies, but I have to admit to wearing a baseball cap on dog walks to keep the rain out of my eyes (also to stop the hood going over my face - I seem to have a very small head...).
I equally dislike baseball caps and sportswear on beer bellies, but I have to admit to wearing a baseball cap on dog walks to keep the rain out of my eyes (also to stop the hood going over my face - I seem to have a very small head...).
Mother badger: 3 words for you : Wide brimmed hat. It's the answer and it's ever so chichi
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