Why were Meeester M and I so nervous when it was our son Indy’s first day at secondary school this week? Simple really, because we both had pretty crappy first days ourselves. It’s the whole “don’t smile til Christmas thing” that teachers do- someone has to be made an example of and if you’re unlucky, it’s you. If you’re lucky you just get to watch and thank God it wasn’t you...this time.
I was a watcher, I'm relieved to say. If I had been a victim I’d have walled myself into my parents' garage to stop my parents from sending me back in the next day. But watching was bad enough, because you got to saw what some of these gits (and we’re talking pre-corporal punishment abolition gits in my case) were capable of. My particular strap happy dinosaur fond of a bit of child humiliation was Mr Treasurer. He looked like Satan in a polyester mix green suit (paired with a with cheeky lighter green nylon shirt) and a goatee beard. Yes, you heard right, he was top to toe in green; like a possessed Leprechaun. And Treasurer wanted to belt an eleven year old and he wasn’t going to rest until he got the chance, begorra!
The unlucky bugger who appeared like a blip on treasurer's sadistic radar was guy called Mark. I don’t even remember what Mark had done- I suspect he had done nothing, because whatever it was only Mr Treasurer that saw it. He had ginger hair, but I don't think that had anything to do with it. Certainly Mark seemed equally unaware of what it was that made the bearded green midget call him forward to the front of the class. Twenty five of us, whose only worry up until that point was what the extra buttons on their calculator were for an whether we’d EVER grow into our blazers, were about to get a whole other level of concerns to keep us awake at night. Teachers could whack you! In fact they could whack you with special whacky stuff with leather fronds. And you couldn’t whack them back. And another thing- if this was what treasurer brought out on the first day, what did he have for later when he had to go up a gear? Say, when someone had actually done something wrong? An Iron Maiden? A wooden cross?
We all watched stunned as the verdant dwarf took a couple of steps backward to get run up for the production of a good velocity as the leather strap hit poor Mark's shaking hands. Five belts later, quite a few of us were choking back a tear. Who were these people? Would they all be like this? When could we feasibly leave and just get a job somewhere? We could manage without trigonometry and religious studies, we were sure we could.
The fact is, I never saw anyone else belted the entire time I was at that school.
Mr Treasurer, wherever you are, thanks for making all the other teachers look good. And not picking me to make an example of on the first day, if I’m honest. (I hope someone bigger than you is battering you outside a pub somewhere- maybe someone with ginger hair...)
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14 comments:
At least you're not bitter.
My School was a little rougher, we had the 'tash obviously, and my loving parents actually encouraged the tutors to use it on me. I reckon in 3 years I had it maybe a thousand times. But one of the non Christian brothers , who was a PE and geography teacher actually punched me in the face - Imagine a teacher getting away with that these days.
Jaggy: Call me crazy- I don't like grown men who hit kids!
Toni: My son's new PE teacher told him to get his hair cut and I was ready to let her tyres down! Punch in the face!!? Mind you, that's typical of a PE teacher ...(hehe I know a couple...that'll wind them up)
First day of secondary school *shudders* and mine was no-where near as bad as yours!!
Hope sons day wasn't too traumatic (bloody cheek telling him to get a haircut!!)
C x
Carol: Yes a cheek indeed. And my son not the only one she picked on. I've told my son to say it's a religious thing.
I think Mrs Treasurer must have been wearing the green trousers at home....
Gah! I'm worrying even more now! First Born starts S1 on Wednesday (Day Zero the school helpfully calls it!) and the whole idea scares the hell out of me.
Alex: that must be true- I hope Mrs Treasurer wasn't also a teacher...
Loth: I'm pretty sure he's either retired or dead now- so it's OK!
We had a lot of whackings in elementary school, but they stopped once the kids got bigger than the teachers. Ah, the glory days of corporal punishment, eh?
Anyone ever get their mouth washed out with soap? My Dad is always harping on that a teacher once did that to him.
I've gone rather cold all over reading that post. compared to that my school was like a fairyland! i do hope he's a very unhappy and lonely man now, and kept well away from children.
Mr Treasurer probably has haunted the minds of you and your classmates for years.
Sorry for coming late to this one.
I received regular beltings in secondary school and I'd reckon sadism/badness was at the root of many of 'em.
I remember one particular bastard belting me in a case of mistaken id. Years later in my late teens I saw him parking his car in a wee quiet lane. I sidled up to the car and deflated one of his tyres completely. Revenge is a dish best served cold? you bet!
Another particular sadist became a customer of mine in later years. His wife had occasion to order something and when I asked her phone number she said "We don't give out the number. John and I had trouble for a long time with abusive calls in the middle of the night".
The pleasure that that piece of information gave me was almost immeasurable.
XUP: And would bump into them int eh pub where their authority did not apply...
Steve: My brother's primary teacher used to use that as a threat. Dunno if she ever did it tho'
Heather: I'd like to think he's bumped into at least a few of the guys he whacked since retirement.
Disy: Funny actually. A few days after writing this I met this woman who is few years younger than me and went to what must have been treasurer's next school. We got talking and she talked about this teacher who was belt happy- turns out to be the same bloke.
Rab: Two great stories. I read them out to my teacher husband who said "Good."
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