I’ve written more times than I can remember about how un-PC my kids are (and by “my” I include all my nieces in this too) but yesterday they struck gold once again.
My mum, the renowned gran, Frazzlegran, and I decided to go shopping this Tuesday. Mum wanted to take me to this great shop her and my sister love called Silver Dapple in Inverurie. She was sure I’d find something I liked there (and I did-see my blipfoto). Stupidly we forgot that all the girls would be off school as it was an In-service day also known as (watch this, I’m going to radge up all teachers with this one comment- you wait and see them go mental) ...also known as “tea and cakes and no kids day”.
“Well just take the girls with us” we chirruped to each other on Sunday, both of us a couple of Chardonnays in. Ah, Chardonnay ... the misguided juice of delusion and forgetfulness.
In the event, the kids behaved reasonably well. By that I mean, we didn’t have to pay for owt we didn’t want to buy by way of compensation, no-one got injured and nothing got set on fire. OK there was a moment in Mackays ladieswear shop where a game of tig and tag got a bit out of hand and I had to chase three of them round the shop and catch them all by the hoods, but other than that, no. It’s not up there on the pantheon of child based disasters of yore.
The kids were bored and their window of tolerance of clothes shopping was closing fast. My mum was still trying stuff on so I agreed to take the three littlest ones, Lil Misssy, Curly Niece and The Pegginator outside to cool down after our round the shop circuit. It was out on the pavement when it happened. An elderly chap in one of those covered over motorised wheelchair/scooter combos trundled past us. The three girls stopped messing about and looked at him with mouths open. Simultaneously they all followed him with their gaze as he went past and sighed “Coooooool!”
I’m sure the chap thought that was ace. For three wee lassies to think his hot wheels were “Coooool” when really they just help him get about a bit, well, that must have put a smile on his face.
"Bless them" I thought. But no, they couldn't leave it at that. C'mon, my daughter is the girl who shouted "Who is that TINY LADY!" in earshot of a midget in John Lewis.
Once the man was only just past the girls Lil’ said her catchphrase of the season, “I want one of those for Christmas!”
“You cannae get one of those for Christmas. You can only get one if you’re disabled” I said, quietly. Key word: "quietly".
“I want to be misabled!!” shouted Curly Niece loudly at the top of her voice. Key word: "loudly".
And then for good measure she shouted it again, this time with feeling, “I wanna be misabled, woman!”
Apologies to all the misabled folks out there. They have done worse, it’s not just you....
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13 comments:
I am mentally misabled. Frequently. Lasts 9 - 5, Mon to Fri.
Great post! My daughter, Amy says things about people
That totally embarrass me!
CJ xx
Oh yes! So glad I'm not alone on this one. Mine have asked a number of inappropriate questions and it's always done at full pitch and if they don't get a response they just ask again...just louder!
Kirsty (shamozal)
We're only jealous because we can't get away with saying these things any more, aren't we?
Ah! Out of the mouths of babes! Thanks for making me smile today! :D
Haha! I remember the Tiny lady thing- that was hilarious!
Hmmm... familiar territory.
My lot (all 3 of them) actually approached a 'little person' in M&S and asked her loudly "Why are you so short?"
I wanted to make a hasty exit but was prevented by the security guard running after me shouting "Madam, you appear to have left your children behind..."
LCM x
The worst is when they say something that has obviously come as a result of your conversations with them.
Case in point?
My 6 yo noticed a rather overweight fellow at the grocery store the other day and screamed (literally, I swear, he must have screamed it). "Look at that Roly Poly man! He must eat at McDonald's a lot!"
Roly Poly was inspired by Beatrix Potter but the too much McDonald's was inspired by me. Sigh.
And they can't just leave it at that, can they? They've got to keep discussing it. And asking those questions you don't want to answer in public but if you don't they'll just repeat them louder. Questions like "Do you think he can see his toes Mommy?"
Out of the mouth of babes and all that...guess your lesson has been learned - when traveling with kids, don't forget your gags.
There's a guy goes around Bucksburn in one of these that has a number plate(and therefore I imagine road-legal) and a roof on it. You've probably seen him 'parked' on Auchmill Road(A96) car-spotting. Lil' Misssy would *love* him!
As for the kids saying things I normally handle these things reasonably well but was caught off-guard a few weeks back when my 4 year old asked me about the massive strawberry birthmark covering approximately half the face of the till operator at the shop. "Shooshing" her with some generic phrase I felt life take on one of those ironic moments...
*beamer*
...inappropriate? I think so... ;oP
Ooooh! Thanks for the laughs... It's not just mine then
Bwahahaaha!! This reminds me of the time that my son saw a family who was wearing traditional Indian saris. They were walking right in front of us. "Look mom!" he said at the top of his voice. (He was 4 at the time.) "It's the people from Aladdin!" I almost died from embarassment. I think the mislabled comment is pretty tame actually. And kinda cute too. I'm pretty sure that I'm a little mentally mislabled myself.
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