Thursday, 17 February 2011

The Tooth is Stranger than Fiction (sorry!)

 My glasses shoot off my face at today's headline

Last year I would visit our dentist, the Tooth Jockey, on a monthly basis. Sometimes more. I wrote about it all the time here, and I bored all my family and friends with my brace-face woes and snaggletooth sagas.  I was having orthodontic treatment and sometimes it didn't go so smoothly, so in some months I was sat in that waiting room every week. When you spend a lot of time in a place, particularly one with the ratio of golf magazines to women's magazines around 10-1 you busy yourself with people watching.

One thing was a constant source of interest-I always wondered what the score was with the dentist's wife working there all of a sudden. I couldn't work out what it was that she did. She seemed just to be chatting whilst the receptionists dealt with everything. Hmmmm...

It was interesting to watch. Had she pestered him into letting her work there? All of a sudden they practice offered new cosmetic treatments like Botox and the like. Was she behind this diversification? She certainly seemed a fan of the injectible poison. In one conversation with her as I paid for my orthodontic treatment she told me she was trying to get her husband to train in a procedure where threads could be inserted into your face and pulled up giving you a face lift. I had just had metal fitted to my teeth, I wasn't into the mood for a face lift, but she clearly saw me as a potential candidate. After that conversation I kept a wee bit of an eye on her. "There's a story there," I said to myself.

They seemed like an odd couple- him really quiet and unassuming, and his wife loud, brash, with a permanent tan and a lot of makeup. What was the score there? Why am I so nosy? Why aren't there better magazines in this waiting room?

Turns out my Miss Marple sense was a- tingling. Today my glasses shot off my head cartoon like when I read the local paper. "Wife sues husband in pay row!" screams one local paper. "Couple set aside differences in unfair-dismissal battle!" shouted another. Front page both of them, the trashier rag having a series of photos of those involved- the one of the Tooth Jockey and his business partner taken unawares on the street, the one of the wife posed for with full makeup. Hmmm, guess who called the papers, eh?

My mum is my on the spot reporter for the Misssives and phones me with a down the line broadcast not quite from the dentist's chair but close enough. She's actually at the dentist today and there were apparently photographers outside when she went in. As she sat in the waiting room the local radio news blared out with the dentist and his wife the lead story as receptionists looked awkward and dentists cowered in their consulting rooms avoiding the press.  It's all kicking off and she's like Jon Snow in the middle of the action except she's in a dentist waiting room and not downtown Cairo. (In saying that she will kill me for writing about this- she's got dentistry work ongoing).

And why wouldn't the press be interested? A couple who are still together and claim to be happily married took each other to court after the husband sacks wife? What the blazes?  It's like a Coen Brother's film. But there you have it. The truth really is better than a woman's magazine after all. 

I knew there was a story there! I knew it!

I am happy to report however that the scandal won't affect my teeth, but any plans I might have had for threads being inserted into my skull to cantilever my wrinkles heavenward might be scuppered.

Stop Press; Story picked up by Daily Mail and The Telegraph today. You read it here first folks!

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Isa Kaufmann said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
EmmaK said...

ooooh juicy! I didn't really understand the bit in the headline after 'Wife Sues Husband In Pay Row' which is 'but we're still happily married.' I am pretty sure if my wife sued me I would no longer wish to be married to her (and since she lost the case can we assume her case had no legs?) but maybe people are more forgiving in Aberdeen!

Heather said...

what a strange world these people live in. One can't help feeling there was some kind of stunt there - and yet it must have cost a fair bit to go to court and all... Very odd.

Readily A Parent said...

Interesting. Was it all a publicity stunt? An insurance intrigue?
My gossip senses are tingling on this one.

Steve said...

I'd like the threads in my face too. Apparently the pleated look is quite fashionable.

London City Mum said...

And I bet you cannot get an appointment now for love or money. Pun intended.



leanneeef said...

I really don't understand this story but it's certainly more entertainig reading your take on it than the papers :)

Very Bored in Catalunya said...

There's nowt so strange as folk! Although I do think it rather enterprising offering botox along with fillings.

Organic Motherhood with Cool Whip said...

I want to know the rest of the story. And now I'm just a wee bit interested in getting a threaded face lift.

Carol said...


C x